It’s interesting that when people hear about the awakening story of Eckhart Tolle, they tend to miss a very tiny section of it which he always mentions – that he was sucked into the void just before the awakening.
He told that the experience was so frightening that it could easily be compared to death. But since he was intending to take his own life due to his depressed state anyway, and because there was the inner voice telling him not to resist the experience, he didn’t.
So he let go, and the void sucked him in.
He could not remember anything that happened after that experience.
The next morning he woke up liberated.
He talks about the void experience in this video (the video will start from around the time he talks about being energetically sucked into the vortex of energy):
My personal experience of being sucked into the vortex
The void experience happened to me twice. Unfortunately, having no information about this state whatsoever, I was completely unprepared. So I resisted being sucked in both times with all my might.
The first experience of abyss happened in the year 2012, at the time when people thought the world would be over. I think that particular time was very helpful for the awakening, and it could have signified the world as we know it being over, rather than the literal end of it.
The second time this energetic experience happened a few years later, and again, it scared me to death.
When I shared this experience online, I only got one reader’s feedback who also experienced it and resisted it with all his might as well. But it turns out the opposite should be done, as seen from the case of Eckhart.
In all these three cases therefore (mine, Eckhart’s and my reader’s) this experience happened when we were deeply relaxed, in a sort of meditative state. For example, it happened to Eckhart before falling asleep, it happened to me once before falling asleep, and the next time – when I was meditating; and it happened to my reader during meditation.
So we can assume that this state is likely to come when you are deeply relaxed as well as not thinking about anything.
This state is an invitation to turn you inside out, for you to be put the right way. Unawakened humanity operates through the ego, but once this experience happens, you operate as the consciousness that you are.
Before the awakening, the ego uses up our consciousness in fears, thinking, planning, remembering, etc. After the awakening, consciousness uses the mind, and the ego is no longer created, as there’s no identification with mental content.
After this experience, Eckhart said his ego died. Maybe that’s why when the void experience happens you feel so mortally afraid – because a part of your indeed dies.
How the vortex experience feels like
It’s very difficult to describe this experience for those who never had it. It’s like your whole being is threatened to be sucked into the depth that’s in you. I don’t know if I explained it properly, but I can’t find better words.
You know that the depth is endless, thus this experience can also be called “being sucked into the abyss”. It feels very physical, but, of course, it’s an energetic experience. I believe that it happens to people who are ready to let go of their ego identity completely.
However, since real spirituality has almost no “manuals”, so to speak (New Age fluff doesn’t count), people who have this special invitation usually miss it as they are totally uninformed about it.
So now you are. In case this happens to you, just relax and let go.
I warn you, however, that it’s much easier to say this than to actually do it. It really feels like you will die. It either takes a person totally frustrated with the ego, or a fearless one to take this plunge.
Even if I get this experience again, I cannot guarantee if I would give in. But I think that I will. What do you think you would do?
Have you been touched by the void? Do you know more information about this experience? Do leave your comment below.
Thanks for posting this, Simona. The final moment of ego death came up for me once 14 years ago and I failed to follow through with it also. It feels like the very core of your existence, your soul, is about to fall off into a void of complete nothingness. David Hawkins speaks of this experience in this video:
youtu.be/eRD4rRYLEF0
You explained it well, Jarett.
I have been looking for a similar experience and up until now I haven’t found one. I was entering into deep meditation and I felt a physical spinning and pull right before seeing what could be described as a black hole. I felt a deep knowing that I had to enter it and it was the “right” thing to do (“be not afraid”) but at the same time I knew that entering the vortex meant certain death. So I allowed it to take me in, like a tunnel, flying closer into the black center it felt like pieces of me dissolving physically, not painful but just shedding. It’s hard to describe. I knew the center meant death but I wasn’t afraid anymore just sort of resigned. Right before becoming part of the dark center I shattered completely like glass. Entering the dark was experiencing oneness with everything and nothing, like past, present, and future all at the same time. I wish I could describe it better. It was God, and infinity and peace but not in a joy and love and angels way, more like every emotion and every experience all together. There was no individual part of me, I was part of everything which was also nothing (I know it doesn’t make sense) but the last part was where I believe I did, in a sense, die. I just was unaware, like falling asleep where one minute your awake and having thoughts and then nothing. I woke myself by taking a large gasp of air, as though I had forgotten to breath even. I felt incredible that day but the following weeks and months were very emotionally difficult. At first there was a deep apathy like nothing truly matters anymore and then the emotional purge…followed by more apathy, quite a bit of sleeping and just going through the motions. I’ve just started to awaken again and have realized that I have the capacity for understand concepts that were beyond me before. Anyhow. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Wow, thank you for sharing, Meghan. How powerful. You had the guts to go with it.
I have had this experience and i too could only described as being sucked into darkness…. Sad to say i resisted because it scared me….never had i heard anything about it… when i experienced it i was praying in tongues and completely surrendering, so the ego was not involved… it has happened twice and both times i pulled back…. Hoping the next time I will soften and allow and go with it….. thank you for sharing, it’s so good to know what is on the other side…. I’m ready to let go
Oh my God, that’s so similar to what happened to me. I was one with everything, through out all time and space, and I knew everything. Pure Bliss.
When I came back,
I lost the ability to know everything. It’s scared that Dickens out of me. Nothing made sense anymore. That was years ago.
Then today, while meditating the void tried to take me again and I fought it repeatedly.
Dear Simona,
Interestingly I experienced something similar to this when I was about to fall asleep about five six years back.
I don’t know whether that’s exactly what you are talking about but it was like I was going to die. It was the biggest fear I had experienced in life. I did not experience the void feeling…or I am not sure whether whether I did. I got up from bed and started walking as if I would die if I stayed in bed. I was so terrified.
Thought it was due to meditation so after that terrifying experience I stopped meditation and started watching entertaining things like movies to avoid a recurrence. I was so scared it would come back.
The year 2012 is important to me as well. In October 2012 I returned to office after visiting a monastery and was reading an explanation of Satipattana sutta on the net. Then suddenly I was gripped with this fear that I rushed to washed room and looked at the mirror. Then I saw a third eye opening sign like…and after sometime everything died down. There was no role for resistance in that experience. I felt some pressure was removed from my being and felt peaceful after that.
However that was different from what was experienced years later while falling asleep.
Much merit to shedding light on this. No one had explained it to me before and I did not probe either as I was scared of the whole thing. So it has happened to all of us while falling asleep, I suppose when we were between conscious and unconscious…thats interesting.
However even If I know the meaning now, as you said I am not sure whether I have the strength to give in. It was so very scary, something like you are being pushed out of the planet.
Thank you so much once again dear Simona
Hi Champika, the void experience is about feeling that unless you resist, you are going to be sucked into the vortex, so if you resisted being sucked in, that’s probably it.
I felt this twice while meditating. The first time i couldnt come back and kept getting sucked by the void and it took me for what felt forever to bring myself back and not get lost. The second time i was with my friend meditating and i started feeling it again.I asked her to hold my hand cause i would get lost if she didnt and it helped alot. The first time i was terrified, the second time i wasnt scared but i didn’t want to let go. Both times i kept seeing eyes everywhere and the second time i felt my third eye opening, my forehead was hot and when i touched it i felt like a hole was forming and it became an eye. It was so amazing i cant put it in the best words but i saw so much of the universe it was beautiful and everything!!
Hi Simona,
I’m not 100% certain that this is the same, but I would personally describe it as a wormhole over a void or vortex. The feeling is as if your consciousness is forcefully pulled or sucked out of your body, and to be honest I found it extremely enjoyable. After the wormhole trip I found myself as a bubble floating slowly down towards a large city street where I entered the head of a man who was quickly grabbed by 2 suited men and placed into a white van. As the side sliding door closed, the scene changed to that of a seminary school. I now found myself seated in a large classroom, my desk alone in the center, a red robed man in front of me speaking, “nel nome del padre del figlio e dello spirito santo.” Another transition lead to a cafeteria in the school followed by one leading to a locker-room, my locker containing black shoes and something else that I can’t remember. The final transition was to my basement bedroom at my step-father’s house, only it wasn’t the same. As I walked towards the bed I became consciously away of my control over these legs that weren’t mine, and I fell to the floor. I reached for an object and pulled it towards me, a quartz crystal necklace. As I held it and looked at the crystal, my consciousness was forcefully pulled into it. I then opened my eyes, but was unable to move for several minutes because I was in a state of shock. I hope this helps, and I may be able to elaborate more if you have any questions.
Andrew, what you describe is astral projection. In the void experience you are entering the vortex within.
I have different query, not directly related to above-mentioned article – Have you ever seen white glow at the center of your forehead while meditating? Can you explain what is that?
I’ve seen purple and indigo. I think that’s tuning into this particular part of your energy field which is read as a color.
Hello im 16 and about 1:08 am fri april 4 gmt 8 time
I meditated and i got this weird feeling as if being sucked in, when i found this thread i was relieved that i found out abit of information
It was a truly terrifying experience for me since its only the 3rd time ive meditated, although after being sucked in i resisted but for some reason i felt more energetic and as if my strength increased
Its nice but im scared something might happen if i continue if anyone has more info about this please kindly reach out to me ive never been so motivated to do somethingn i wouldnt usually do
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You said it so well: it takes a person totally frustrated with ego to take this plunge. That is what happened to me.
Long story short, the sense of self threw me into the deep sorrow because it kept convincing me of something that was not, and I believed it. And so my belief basically manifested the thing feared. (That was a mind blowing realization and almost no one believed me such thing is possible.)
For the first time in life, I realized this self that is measuring, criticizing, fearing, commenting is actually what is usually called the ego. (I had not previously read any spiritual literature.)
The whole experience got me frustrated with it, because I realized it is completely false and giving information that is not true at all.
I even thought of killing myself because of the mind chatter, because I was in it’s grip,I could feel the bondage.
It was literally tyrannizing me with it’s thoughts and threats. But I knew if I physically killed myself, I would not end it at all.
So there I was, cannot go on living with it, cannot die. And then, suddenly, I cannot even begin to describe the feeling that took me over. I was not afraid to die anymore. But all I wanted is to end the tyranny of that something which was clinging to my consciousness.
When finally the ego realized it failed, that I don’t believe a word it says anymore, it was… gone! I just completely went into the void. It was so, so peaceful and comforting. Just pure silence – the voice of the ego has withered away. It wasn’t scary at all, because as I said, just previously I was ready to be even annihilated into nothingness, as long I don’t need to listen to the mind chatter anymore.
The ego could not stand that, it had to withdraw.
It lasted for a few days until the ego voice returned. That’s how I got on a spiritual path.
Wonderful: “But I knew if I physically killed myself, I would not end it at all.”; “But all I wanted is to end the tyranny of that something which was clinging to my consciousness.”;
“It lasted for a few days until the ego voice returned.” — so it returned. Interesting. Actually Eckhart also says that still 20% of thoughts remained, but the difference was that he was no longer identified with them.
Thank you so much for this comment, Mind of Love.
Thank you so much for your comment… Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by this chatting mind my gooosh… At the same time we identify so much to it, because we’ve been used to listen for him since we can think that letting it go feels like killing yourself, killing our identity.. I already felt like I could totally let go, like I could just release everything into the void, but my mind was telling me if you lose me then you lose yourself… Till now I haven’t been enough strong to ttell myself I could not lose myself, and that those thoughts were not me. It’s like being in a relationship with someone and feel like without this person you’re nobody… In this situation I am just in catharsis and cannot make a move to break the relationship because I’m too scared to lose what I think makes me being what I am. I think it must come with more love for myself, but sensitively, not mindly, then I’ll be able to let go… Everyday we can decide to love ourself a little bit more, heal ourselves and heal the world 🙂
Love and light brothers and sisters <3
Ps: sorry for my broke English I'm french 😉
When I first experienced the void, I told my now wife about it. She replied, there is nothing to a void…
When I started my spiritual journey it happend rarely I used to meditate to go to the void state now when I close my eyes i directly feel this void within and it deepens and mind goes slient.
In Islam with human a jin is born who’s duty is to mis lead us also called nafas prophet SAW said it runs in your blood it know secrets of your heart if you resist and keep asking for Allah help by names of Allah.
The color is your mind, manifested to many forms and shape. The vortex is just a perception. It’s all mind made.
And yes indeed, just let go and you shall be facing the experience of enlightment.
Since a kid, I’ve had “abilities,” but have never meditated. I will sit and contemplate/reflect.
A few years ago, after some profound, life-changing experiences, I tried meditating in a traditional sense. On one such occasion, I felt pulled…into a space that, while not threatening, it rattled me. The pull kept getting stronger, and deeper into this space it took me. At some point, it truly unnerved me, and I stopped.
I am feeling ready to try again, but since that day, I have reverted to my old, natural way…contemplation.
I recently embraced Buddhism. I learned about the Four Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path and began regular meditation (guided and unguided). During a recent guided meditation, I was briefly startled by something that happened.
I thought I had fallen asleep during my meditation, but then realized that I indeed had not fallen asleep and was fully awake and still fully engaged in my meditation. Needless to say, I was a little confused.
I had been “somewhere”, but was unaware of it while I was in that state (my confusion increased). It was a place with no light and no consciousness. Since then I have experienced that same scenario several times and it seems to be something that I have little or no control over. Still I endeavor to go there again to find out what is waiting for me.
This seems like it might be the “Void” that I hear so much about from others that meditate. I suppose understanding will come to me with time and more meditation.
I would be greatly thankful and interested of anyone has had similar experiences or if someone can offer any guidance in this phenomenon.
William
Thank you for sharing, William. The void that I experienced had the quality of suction. Eckhart Tolle experienced it too. Your experience may be in some other dimension maybe. Different dimensions have different qualities.
Dear Simona,
Two days ago I experienced the void (strangely it happened upon waking up, and as I had been doing regularly, Vispanna/insight meditation of just gently noticing thoughts as they come and labelling them mentally to then eject them, while labelling when I breathe in and out, mentally, a tip I got from Goenke—amazing to use—to which due to me reaching a place where I had purposefully been trying to eliminate any “psychic/social” entanglements so to be able to go deeper and remain in my “dissociated” meditative state days on end); the experience of falling into the void vortex is the newest in a wave of experiences I shall come to momentarily; it’s like gently falling underwater into nothingness (if anyone has scuba dived you will know the amazing feeling of being separate from the surface world, more so than swimming) beneath the “3D” world to which however little left of one’s reactive and fear-bound ego (small mind) is left, which at first you feel wow (and this is the key, to trust the “feeling”, which I always have a hard time with, having never done so in life), and the mind, whatever left at the last second panics, but you’re so “dissociated” it’s very weak and you may have some thoughts and at this point I have neglected Vispanna technique, as my childhood fear of not being able to speak, which I had many nightmares of when young, was flooding this underwater experience, and I was actually physically getting the sensation of not being able to voice myself into the 3D world and also worried that if I do fall below this place/level, will I return (so just as I have experienced once in a k-hole—when one takes too much ketamine and enters a deeply dissociated state—you do feel like you might die and not return, which may not be a failure in not letting go, as it may be the “survival instinct” to propel forward, just as some people wake up into “anxiety” and wish to “crack on” and get productive— though, perhaps this is fear, but I believe it’s awaking daily from a place close to this)…the void is essentially confronting the deepest chasm/fear of oneself—which can sometimes happen on LSD—but the sensation of the self (not the scared ego mind) is amazing, it feels blissful and calm and serene, like being deep under water… but again, what if you were stuck under water forever? To lose everything in “3D land”, all that you knew.
I shall now explain some experiences before this, which were also remarkable at the time. Last March, 2020, I entered hellfire, I endured purgatory but was quick to meditate daily, intensely (kundalini), my heart, which had been closed all my life was blown wide open, I had never seen day light so clear and my imagination to the size of the clouds and as far as the horizon (not delusion/hallucination/psychosis—I was one with oneness, like on LSA, when no ego—though these events were also terrifying having “lost” a 31 year old dense matrix of mind constructs and feeling so exposed as the “inner me” was now put out at full volume, I felt naked). After some weeks the life-force/Qi/prana/Holy Spirit began flowing directly through my body, like air/ether/a ghost, right through my being, it was amazing though strange. The more I meditated and the longer things went on (although still suffering tremendous anxiety from all of this) the stronger it became. After I had regained control of my primitive self, which I became following the reset—potentially entering Samsara—around the third super moon last year I woke one morning, my heart chakra was a meter above my body and I had what felt like a circle (halo/crown) a meter above my head… I was one with God consciousness/Christ hood/buddhahood, when I spoke from my mind it was not the small ego mind I was using before, it was something higher, different, a level above, benevolent, calm, no fear, powerful—yet I was not used to feeling as such (powerful), and as was dealing with some negative people since before hellfire on my phone through messaging (which uses core ego) and I know I was supposed to “let go” so I could remain at the “ascended level”, but I didn’t, I failed, and that night I woke up and the life force was now trapped inside my “body-boundary”, very intense but trapped, no longer able to flow freely, and the halo smaller… then a series of events and chaos and anxiety led to more and more descents leading to no life force or halo—seven notable descents (which is important)… then I have been battling with entanglements and decoherences since… now in July 2021 I “sunk” into the void… before this I had been able to pray (using the space in the upper psyche) to ask for guidance when faced with a choice (this is the most important factor of the entire process, everything is about choice, because consciously making an “act” causes the ripple effect into the conscious fabric in the world), and I would get the faintest body-energy sensations and sometimes in this higher part of my psyche to which it’s “them” Christ’s/buddhas/god/angels etc. (Or our higher self waiting, or consciousness itself)… just as in the void I was faced with the choice, I was already too scared to lose my voice and enter deeper not knowing if I would return… because what I have noticed in my “descents” is it’s all choice (and not making a choice is also a choice—hesitation/indecisiveness). And the key thing I believe to be necessary is to make the “right” choice, meaning whatever is on the right-hand side of the psyche (or potentially from the heart asking the universe what you want—tricky for a left hander as heart feels on the left and why this is important and I’ve only just figured this out, is I’m left handed, and as such, in life, and scientifically proven, left handers typically choose things on their left… and hence we most typically make negative-fearful-sinful choices because in the psyche they appear on the left (remember the cartoons of devil on left and angel on the right, well it’s “real”) and so subtly spiral down without realizing with every choice made… and so in this void… I had the choice between two things (as I have many levels “above” this), I won’t say what… I made the “right” choice and then I got a sensation from the “angels” as I was pulled up back into 3D land (to the right)—then it was like the void never happened and I didn’t wish to reflect on it just yet so as not to induce any panic that i might have made the wrong choice which was so prevalent in my descents.
So… that the halo is the highest point of ascent (potentially)… and having descended “so far down” then reaching the void… yet now with the videos provided by you informing that the void can induce a blissful awakening where one has completely removed ego by embracing becoming nothing… whereas halo you need to do the same thing but is an all powerful (but not in a bad way) godly higher self (to which there may still be more levels too beyond—as is the true intention behind Christianity if know the true sources and interpretations: 7days of creation), and it is written there are 7 levels of ascent, perhaps meaning from where I am (most people) are now—normal human—whereas I was “lucky” to have been given a fast track to the highest and have descended 7 to “regular” human (and is the true purpose behind Christian/abrahamic/dharmic dogma when interpreted properly as they are not to be interpreted literally: the left hemisphere lower conscious rational mind does this, think of the classic picture of the left brain (office cubicles/circuits)-right brain (outdoors/flowers) , but it’s actually higher and lower consciousness… left psyche lower consciousness is more rational, quantitative and objective than right psyche higher consciousness which is more qualitative and subjective)…
So… these are potentially two opposing directions to reach awakening of different kinds and of different states—what I do know, is following hellfire my consciousness was so big that my “mind was infinite” and upon halo my ego was a blip (like looking at an ant on the ground while standing or watching a car from an aeroplane)—whereas while doing Vispanna it’s as if one is behind, or underneath their ego so can observe it, and sinking within the void it’s as if falling deeper below/behind the ego that is left… I only wonder if all of this is fear (why the void is even reached, or simply shutting off ego and falling into “self”). Therefore perhaps if you are below or in ego you are fearful (even though it takes courage to fall below the void and let “consciousness/god” catch you), whereas in halo you are not, you are above and beyond fear mightily… it’s evidently hard to know and whether this is a continuum from high to deep of the same fabric (extroverted/introverted????), and now I can actually visualise Jung’s psyche illustration as a I couldn’t grasp it before… but he mentions about going deep and I believe is how he came up with such (including where he draws the “self”)… I doubt he ascended to halo, however, in which there would most likely be a “higher self” portion to his diagram if possible in the schematic (beyond “personal” or rather like a pyramid it’s above the diagram so cannot be drawn unless on a cone/conical piece of paper).
Halo the “highest”, the void the “lowest/deepest”… all different states of witnessing self, above and below the ego (3D mind)… and thus having not being able to commit to either, I cannot say the result of either yet came to the “boundary” of “letting go” in both.
I know from abrahamic/dharmic history those who attain halo (and potentially higher tiers of it—5D) can return to 3D so to teach such to others—hence Christ, buddhas, gurus, saints, etc etc… just as I suppose others have from the void… though “void-tellers” who appear to be more akin with tolle, Hawkins, sadghuru, as opposed to “halo-Havers” (Christ/Buddha) come across differently… because the nothingness of the void is entirely different than the higher halo consciousness (or is it?)—it could be a continuum from active (halo) to passive (void)—though again, I have not experienced either past the fear boundary. But I hope I can get the chance to do both… but if void is at the “bottom” I would prefer to try and ascend back up to halo if possible (seven ascents may be very difficult in a lifetime)—my ego (or the universe) may have remaining things for me to do in 3D land before such.
Potentially, both halo (universal consciousness) and the void (what feels like the deepest nothingness of self), might actually be levels of the same fabric—sorry for repeating myself to anyone reading, I am back in 3D and just downloading rationally my experience to which I was going to move past and ignore/forget but I’ve simply experienced so much that I suppose curiosity will remain—yet I am writing this from the right side “blockage” of my psyche (which before very recently it was my left side that was “blocked”—hence my thoughts that I have descended down the spiral to this “place” whereby the “void” is the bottom, and understandably if suicidal is how one may take that plunge).
What I ask you Simona, is did your first interaction with the void cause you to be fearful and come back to “normal” (3D) reality (and did you have to make a choice within the void, beyond being scared, that caused this)… and, did you feel like you wouldn’t be able to return back to the void afterwards (and probably did not want to until you later identified what it was and felt better about it)… furthermore, if this is the case… how did you “return” to the void the second time to get your “second chance”… did it require further meditation (hopefully not dissociation) etc.
And… based on what information you know about, have Hawkins and Tolle and any others you know of found it continuously blissful from there on in… because as you say, feeling like dreamy—to which I have also been feeling recently even before the void through meditation (which I also know the feeling of such through life long dissociation as if watching myself in my own film, perhaps my slightly 5D self watching my 3D self, and my “disconnect” from the world was actually causing me real problems of not really existing and I could so easily chameleon into any 3D avatar-self I wanted, which good for karma neutrality (all are symptoms of borderline personality disorder to which I have, though I was high functioning and thus “quiet” bpd, if I do/did in fact actually have/had it—of course there are many enemies of spiritual enlightenment keeping us at dense fear low frequency energy preventing us from reaching our potential, which is why I hope the “void” isn’t the bottom of this fear—even though another “way” to liberation.
I ask, because I can attest I most likely would probably rather be halo than void, unless they are different “routes” to the same experience (both require letting go of ego in different ways), perhaps they are just at different “fear levels” (perhaps opposing “levels” of the same “place”—conscious fabric)… but what I do know is after my “choice” within the void… the angels/ascended masters/Christ’s/buddhas communicated to my upper right psyche with the fuzzy feeling they (it) sometimes do, especially now when I go to that place to pray for guidance upon CHOICES and even some days before when it felt like I was crossing over from bottom of right psyche into left psyche and I was doing some notations and I felt fear of the “singularity” of myself and nothingness I was articulating and the fuzzy feeling came all over me as if to say it’s ok, you’ll be fine (and ultimately is the truth to all of this… TRUST LIFE)… so perhaps I will get more chances… but I am sure it will require further practice/meditation/dedication to reach the same place unless it just happens again (and potentially keeps happening—for a reason?—so to bring me/us beyond fear)…
How did you get to your second chance, what happened, and what have you been doing since?
You are welcome to write to me personally: (email hidden).
X
I had an experience that sounds similar. One night after work I decided that I was going to go all the way, so I laid down on my bed and began to blow it to happen. I remember my heart beating faster and faster until it seemed as if it would explode. I had many thoughts appear and temp me to attach to them. One by one I said to each of the thoughts “it doesn’t matter”. It remember one of the last thoughts was about my mom. The final thought was about my own life. As soon as I whole heartedly said “it doesn’t matter” to my own life, it felt as though a vortex formed inside my chest and I was sucked inside out into it. It’s very hard to describe. It felt like my body was physically turned inside out. My body was definitely going into spontaneous mudra positions and contorting in strange ways all by itself before I was sucked in. I remember spontaneously saying out loud “oh my God, I AM GO……” I started screaming God but before I could finish I was in some kind of infinite space moving infinitely fast. I knew I was everything and it was amazing. I remember lots of blue light and indistinct faces. There was no thought. I don’t know how long this lasted but there came a point when I realized I was not ready and a single shred of doubt arose. In an instant I had the intention of landing in front of my bed because it felt like I was flying. It all happened so fast but I remember my body materializing in front of my bed and my feet landing on the floor while my mouth was continuing and finishing screaming the word GOD. Needless to say I was amazed and confused. I just stood there and eventually just said to myself calmly ” oh. i am God.” Then my ego immediately took over and I said it again but with a different inflection. “Oh, I am god”. I then left my apartment and took all of my cloths off and started running down the street naked because why not? It was about 3am in the middle of A fairly busy part of Salem, Oregon mind you. I eventually came to my senses and slinked back to my apartment embarrassed because I was in fact not God as my ego would have me believe. That was probably the worst night of my life. If I had had a gun I would have killed myself. I was not ready for the absolute mind #$&@ that ensued. The experience itself was absolutely amazing and true, but I wasn’t ready. I had to drive out into the woods and spend a night alone in nature battling with my own reality the next day. I somehow managed to regain myself, for better or worse. I understand that my self is false and I know that I am god. But I wasn’t ready to fully accept it then and I still haven’t fully accepted it. This event happened 15 years ago. Sometimes I wish I could experience it again and fully let go, but I know that I must be ready 100% or it may do more harm than good. I was completely unprepared when it happens and have since done a lot of research so if it does happen again I won’t be caught so off guard. This was a very long comment but I thought it was appropriate.