Never in my life did I ever want to have children. Not everyone wants to have children, and unfortunately some women feel pressured to have them when in truth they don’t want this responsibility.
I remember when I was reading the book by Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love). She said that before sleep or in the morning (I don’t remember) she would be so stressed because she was thinking that maybe she got pregnant this time. I understand that.
Some women, when they see children, they start touching them, they think they’re so cute, and they become completely different in front of children. For me, when I see children, they’re like other beings. I don’t get soft or talk in a motherly way to them.
The thought that a child is growing in my stomach just doesn’t feel right. In fact, such a thought disturbs me. I would never, ever want to experience something moving or growing in my stomach. Yet for some women the thought that a child is growing in their stomach makes them blissed out.
Even my palm shows that I’m not supposed to have children. If on a woman’s hand the first rascette is bent upwards, it shows the weakness of internal organs and the possibility of dying during childbirth. The more raised the first rascette is, the bigger the risk.
So actually for me it would even be dangerous to have children, and I see many women who are not supposed to have them because of their body structure and the fact that work is their life. But because they aren’t awakened yet, the trends of the culture have complete control over them.
For me, work is my child. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel incomplete without children (I know some women do). I provide value through my work and services, and the gratitude that I feel and receive makes me feel complete. I don’t know if emptiness would come if I wouldn’t provide service, but I can’t see myself stopping work because I love it so much.
Listen to “Why I Don’t Want to Have Children | Simona Rich” on Spreaker.
So my articles, videos, books and services are my children. I give birth to them and I know that they make a positive difference. This keeps me at peace with myself and the world, and there’s no need to create a physical being.
I believe that many women have children for wrong reasons. For example, I know a lady in London who had a child because she felt lonely. Is that a reason to have a child? That’s such a selfish reason.
In India the societal pressure to have a child is much bigger than in the West. When the woman marries, questions start pouring forth from all sides about when she’s getting pregnant. And after childbirth she is expected to change the shape – to become overweight.
If she doesn’t, people start questioning why she’s still thin! It’s very, very strange, but married women in India are expected to gain and keep weight. Of course, the very rich of India don’t follow this trend as they look up to the West, but the vast majority of people in India do.
My dance teacher in Ernakulam kept her beautiful figure after childbirth and received a lot of slander for that. I know it may be hard to believe for westerners, but this is really happening in India.
In the West there’s also pressure to have children, and also it’s important to understand that the body itself may at some point start pressuring to reproduce itself when it feels its energies declining and the old age approaching. But the body is not you and you can decide, if you’re detached from it, whether to agree with the body in having children or not.
I know the bodies have their own intelligence and they want to live through their children. But I’m not this body and I don’t want to go through the trials of childbirth and child-raising just because of the biological urge. But this urge in some women is so overwhelming that it makes them believe it’s their own desire. Thus, Plato’s advice: “Know thyself”.
My mother wants to see me and my brother’s children, so maybe my brother will eventually have them, giving my mother some relief. I have such a lovely mother who doesn’t pressure me to do anything against her will, but I know she really wants grandchildren.
Many women don’t think of the consequences of having children. They have a wonderful imaginary picture of what it would be like to become a mother but they are not willing to look at the reality of it.
The child basically feeds off you until you stop breastfeeding, and you get many years of your youth lost. Not to talk about body changes that may take place when another being is growing in you, such as your feet getting one or two sizes larger, coarse hair starting to grow on legs, hair fall and so many other ones which you can hear about in this video:
Then your woes are not over. You have to invest around 18 years of your life to make the child independent. You have to spend a lot of money for the child’s needs. And it’s a lottery about who that child eventually will grow up to be – he or she can indeed grow up into a caring and healthy adult, but that’s never guaranteed.
So having children is painful, expensive and it’s a lottery when it comes to who they will become and how they will be health-wise. I find this to be a too risky investment.
Also, many aspiring mothers don’t research enough about childbirth and the fact that 1 in 3 women are traumatized when giving birth. (In the video I say it’s 1 in 4 women but that was from another research; anyway the number of traumatized-by-birth women is really high).
Listening to the experiences of women who experienced giving-birth-trauma is worse than horror movies (just YouTube “Traumatic child birth experience”). Unfortunately many women do not choose to speak about it, maybe because of shame as many intimate details would have to be revealed; but this causes general ignorance about this very real threat.
When deciding on such a huge commitment, probably the biggest one in your life, it’s crucial to make sure you understand all the aspects of it. This should be prepared for more than any other life investment such as buying property. Yet most women blissfully jump into motherhood prepared with imagination and hopes rather than information.
Many women after giving birth do not feel any love or attachment to the new being. Some women actually end up wanting to harm the baby that wouldn’t stop crying. Some don’t realize how much time, effort and sleepless nights they would have to endure for years.
What’s also something that needs to be thought of is if you would be able to raise the child as a single mother. Because there are so many single mothers now, it’s important to not allow your hopes to overshadow the reality.
I have a friend who always wanted to be a mother. Yet the guy she had the child with within months of her giving birth faded away from her life. And now she’s a single miserable mother.
She started quickly aging because of so much pressure of having to raise a child on her own. The child turned out to be highly energetic, requiring all her attention.
Her days of posting hopeful and happy quotes on Facebook are over. Now she gets confused reactions as she posts ironical remarks about men and messages smelling of hate and unhappiness.
Also, many parents do not get prepared for raising children in a healthy way. It’s such a huge responsibility. Boys who don’t receive enough love from their mothers may become regular clients of prostitutes. Women having bad fathers will probably end up marrying bad husbands.
Children who experience violence and other trauma at home grow up to become dysfunctional adults harming many people. So parents have such a huge responsibility to research how to bring up healthy individuals. They have to be excellent as a couple too, so that the child is not harmed by hatred between parents or their constant fights.
I got much better with children with age but I remember in the past I would get so uncomfortable when they would approach me as I really didn’t know how to react to them.
I’m not one of those women who can do baby talk and act with them in a cute way. I just don’t have it in me. If I have to speak to really small children I just speak to them pretty much as to adults. I can’t do the mother role.
I believe that if the society awakens and people learn to think long-term, there will be much fewer parents in this world. I see that both men and women jump into their imagined reality of blissfully raising kids and then being faced with the harsh facts of parenthood.
And even thinking about the kind of world we are living in, would I really want to bring forth a child in such a place? The answer is definitely no. Most people are hugely undeveloped, thus it’s likely the the child would be traumatized by the behavior of some irresponsible individuals very early.
Finally…
So these are my thoughts on having children. My opinion about having children hasn’t changed since teenage years, though people would always tell me that my opinion would change with age.
I believe that if more women would detach from societal expectations and think long and hard about what they really want to do with their lives, fewer of them would choose to become mothers.
Yes, there will still be many women who desire children, but with more awareness those who are not supposed to have children would not proceed with this and save themselves from torturous years of raising them and children growing up unloved and unhappy.
Respect you views; however, I reckon you’ll be a caring, developing, good, innovative mother! Moreover, having cute cute cute babies/children … the more the BETTER…
Nice point I was thinking about having but the timing has changed it’s different now children growing different and parents are to be blamed for what’s happening I’m disgusted my couisn son pointing a plastic water gun at me and I’m like don’t ever do that point it at your parents same with my sister kid pointed a nerf gun at me if I didn’t give him what he ask for which was a toy in my hand he would shoot me I cursed that out like a big man his mom had nothing to say not the dad they find I should take that as a joke so I see your point
Terrible indeed, Michelle. These children will grow up into self-entitled disrespectful individuals.
I grew up watching my mom be a single mother and then I became a single mother. It’s easy to do what you know best when you are not sure of your direction in life but now I am trying to raise adults who make active choices for their lives rather than passive choices. My daughter’s already decided not to have children too, they just want to work. That is a good thing!
Thank you for sharing, Ashley.
Just on a lighter note Simona, how would you have come in this world to experience this beautiful life, if your mother had the same views as yours of not having the children? Shouldn’t you be thankful to your mother to bring to this world to have the opportunity to grow spiritually? It’s said in Hindu Dharma that there’s no growth in nonphysical realms that’s why even God’s/angels/ avatars yearn for human incarnation to attain the ultimate perfection. I thought by now you would be knowing that every human being has a divine purpose to be born in this world. Isn’t it?
My mother wanted to have children but I don’t. I don’t think this world is so beautiful but it’s definitely a school.
It’s very difficult to raise children because it’s really an investment. Many times women are stretched to the limit. I “GET” all of your reasoning and you can actually age and find some tidbit of parental softness to you and be useful to all the children who are ALREADY here! I don’t know where some women come up with the “more the better” stuff because you know what? There’s already too many people who think that and those kids need us. Trust me, blood is not an indicator of caregiving.
Thank you, Emily, and yes, I’m noticing that I’m becoming more natural towards children whilst in the past I really was at a loss of how to communicate with them.
I always thought that way and I never wanted to have children because of that. However after my sister had her son and now that my brother is going to be a fathr I have changed some perspectives. It’s not that I now want children but I feel less alienated when I’m around them and I have found they actually like me, just like pets. I think that if somebody happens to be born through me it’s because it had to be that way, and I would give my best to raise a mature person. Through my nephew I noticed many things that helped me understand myself in my early years and how character is shaped according to early experiences.
If you look closely, they actually teach you a lot and it’s not as draining. Also, pregnancy doesn’t have to be teaumatizing, many women don’t take enough care of themselves before and during the pregnancy and that’s why the body reacts so badly. Some others do and are just easily affected by hormones. Anyway, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel like having a child. I think the worst is when a baby is not wanted or when it’s had for selfish reasons.
Kind regards.
Yes, it’s true that children can teach you a lot.
Further not all single mothers are miserable and not all bad fathers produce bad children. See for example yourself. From your writings, I gather that your mother raised you and your brother as single mother and your father was not a good father but you and your work has been inspiration to many. So your decision and reasons of not having children could be personal but not the ones you have generalised for others.
Thanks
Where did I say all turn out this way?
Hi Simona, I feel the same way! I think a lot of women are not interested in having kids nowadays. I dont see the appeal. There are so many other possibilities in life.
Its interesting to see that some people commenting are triggered by your post. Most people seem stuck in their way of thinking and cant imagine that other people have different view points than their own
Yes, some people are indeed triggered. They should then become mindful to understand why. Thank you, Suzanne.
Hi Simona, just wondering is karma working? I believe a person with no/less karma wouldn’t have children… While a person that have a lot of karmic debt might have to repay them through their children in their current life…. Thus hindering their journey to enlightenment… what’s your thoughts?
I think in a similar way, that when you are finishing “business” with this world, you tend not to leave in this world something that would bind you to it, like children.
!!So spot on Simona!!
Thank you, Isabell. I address some of these questions in the video I recently made, it’s not on YouTube yet, I’m still editing it (about having children). After awakening the world no longer seems real, it’s like you’re in it but you know that it’s an energy matrix. Maybe I will address this in some other video, but can’t be sure as I tend to make videos on inspiration. I also I don’t consider the Jewish race to be evil, they are made into an enemy as religions have to have enemies to keep their identities strong (especially seen in Islam) but of course, some of the families of this race are evil as seen by their deeds.
Simona, a like button for your articles would be great! 🙂
I don’t want to be a parent either, I want to make my work my child and be able to have a positive effect in people lives through it.You are an inspiring example of this!
I also share your thoughts that “if the society awakens and people learn to think long-term, there will be much fewer parents in this world.”
Many are having meaningless lives and children is an attempt to give meaning to it, ignorant of the suffering they can cause to a soul and to the world.
Thanks for sharing your thought in this topic. It needs to be given more importance in society, in some places its kind of a taboo to talk about not having children.
I would like to hear about this idea you talk about in a comment, I hope you make the video!
“After awakening the world no longer seems real, it’s like you’re in it but you know that it’s an energy matrix”
..I remember an experience I had that made me perceive the world something like this in that moment. First I felt a strong energy filling my body then slowly my face morphed a little, felt my expression and eyes change its natural position. Felt I had almost no emotions towards the world but saw it in a objetive way, like I was someone else or something had entered in me, thought this state lasted perhaps for only 1 minute and then I slowly came back to be myself.
Thank you, Jafet. Yes, I may write about this world perception in some future article.
Simona I echo all your thoughts here. I never know how to react to kids either and just speak to them as adults. I feel like an alien around them. I do not wish to have children either and think it’s a horrible investment for me. I’d rather have pets and birth businesses and ideas and work.
:))