Sometimes I receive negative comments on my posts or videos. Some comments are made by bitter people whose beliefs are in opposition to mine. Some feel hurt by life and lash out at anyone that comes their way. Although there are better ways to deal with such issues, I understand such reactions.
Some commenters, however, are systematically posting malicious comments. They do so not because their beliefs were crushed or they were hurt by someone, but just for the sake of it. They get excited to know that their comments might stir up some negative emotion, because such people thrive on making others react to them. These people are called psychopaths.
For a long time I was ignorant of such people among us. I believed that everyone is good in their hearts. However, when I started studying about psychopaths, my eyes were opened to examples from my own life of such people.
Psychopaths existed for ages; some think that they existed from the very start of the humanity. In old cultures such people were killed, as Martha Stout, Ph.D., explains in her book ” Sociopath Next Door”:
Psychiatric anthropologist Jane M. Murphy describe Inuit concept of kunlangeta, which refers to a person whose “mind knows what to do but does not do it.” Murphy writes that in Northwest Alaska, kunlangeta [psychopath] “might be applied to a man who, for example, repeatedly lies and cheats and steals things and does not go hunting, and, when other men are out of the village, takes sexual advantage of many women.” Inuits tacitly assume that kunlangeta is irremediable. And so, according to Murphy, traditional Inuit approach to such a man was to insist that he go hunting, and, in the absence of witnesses, push him off the edge of ice.
Although officially it’s agreed that around 1 in 25 people are psychopaths, Pamela Wayne, M.A., thinks that around 30% of men are psychopaths. I would say she’s more correct, because official research tends to pick most extreme cases of psychopaths whose intelligence is low enough to get caught. Many psychopaths, however, are more intelligent than regular human beings, and it’s almost impossible to catch them. So research is very one-sided.
Quoting from Cassiopaea research:
Cleckley also gives grounds for view that psychopathy is quite common in community at large. He has collected some cases of psychopaths who generally function normally in community as businessmen, doctors, and even psychiatrists. [...]
We would characterize criminal psychopaths as “unsuccessful psychopaths.” The implication, of course, is that many psychopaths may exist in society who cope better than do those who come to the attention of judicial and welfare systems.
There are some female psychopaths too, but the vast majority are men.
How to recognize a psychopath
Psychopaths have no empathy. They don’t feel higher emotions; they only can feel anger, hatred, lust and very basic fear (although that’s disputed also), because their limbic brain is not working properly.
They like to play the pity game because then people feel sorry for them; playing the pity card is one of easiest ways to recognize a psychopath.
They are pathological liars who thrive on drama. They will keep pressing your emotional buttons but will stop when it becomes too much for you as then you might flee from them. They give you some rest, and then start pushing your buttons again.
A psychopath will always try to test your boundaries to check how far he can go.
They can also be recognized by the predatory stare; If you look deep into their eyes, you’ll see nothingness. Their eyes look dead, like you’re staring into a black hole. It’s a very strange experience to go through, because you really can’t see anything when you look into those dead eyes. Some people even named them “dead fish eyes”.
Some women find “the psychopathic stare” seductive. But when they get severely abused by a psychopath and discontinue the relationship, heal a bit, and look through their pictures, they see the same stare with different eyes; the stare looks totally evil and they get scared by what they see and wonder how they never noticed the nothingness and darkness of the stare before. The stare, therefore, is very easy to confuse, especially if you disregard a still voice within.
Psychopaths are often bored, so they constantly need some stimulation, be it sex, drugs, alcohol, danger or emotional dramas.
Psychopaths are everywhere, though they tend to cluster in certain environments, like police (as they like to be in control), drug dealing and communities of drug users (stimulation/danger), banking and stocks (money is power, and power gives more control). If they have lower intelligence, they’ll probably do some managerial work to boss around at least a few people; they’ll probably take credit for others’ work too. They’re also found hunting in places perfect to find imbalanced and lonely individuals, like singles’ bars, airports and beaches.
In Indian beaches you can meet many psychopaths working as waiters, lifeguards and hotel boys. Those guys come from very poor or broken families (like when a mother hangs herself because of the husband’s constant abuse, or a father attempts to kill the family as he’s experiencing financial difficulties). Such children’s emotional development is severed by such intense traumas, and latent psychopathic traits get activated (as father is likely to have been a psychopath, thus passing the gene). That’s one of the theories, though; some researchers have the opinion that psychopaths are born and not made.
Such guys work in these occupations to get victims – wealthy foreign women. Many women fall for them (because most such men are very charming, which is another psychopathic trait) and soon suffer deeply. I heard so many almost identical stories that I finally realized there was a pattern, which I’ll talk about further down.
Psychopaths can’t love, although they can mirror your love, and they’re experts in faking emotions. They will praise the very qualities in you that you’re insecure about, so that you would open up to him and tell all your secrets, and develop a stronger bond.
Later on they’ll start belittling you in private, and then they might do so in public too, depending on what control game they decided to play.
They’ll distance you from the people you care about and who care about you, so that he would isolate you and make you more vulnerable and dependent on him.
Know that not all psychopaths who act like psychopaths are so. In modern society we’re encouraged to develop psychopathic traits such as selfishness, competitiveness, and paying whatever price is required for fame and success.
The single strategy of psychopaths
All psychopaths follow the same strategy, but they accomplish it in different time periods, depending on how quickly they get you hooked. This cycle can last from 1 month to 20 years, or more, or less.
Here’s the strategy they all use:
CHARM –> USE –> DISCARD
The “Charm” phase
When you meet him and start dating him you’ll perceive him as very different from others. He will have that “something” you wouldn’t be able to put a finger on. You will call him “special” and probably “the one”.
You’ve never had such a person in your life. You feel he’s a walking miracle. At this stage you’re the happiest person in the world.
He says all the right words, you’re spending all your time together. He’s totally into you; he may call you his “soul-mate”, he will say the word “we” a lot, he will plan your future together – marriage and kids. He may say things like “we’re really like one person” or “we are so similar”.
He gets you addicted to his love. He constantly embraces you, touches you and engages you in frequent sex. You get drawn into the sea of high emotions and the world looks magical – but Only to you.
The “Use” phase
When you get hooked into the game by falling head over heels for him, he will start his Use phase. He may start withdrawing his attention and will give you just enough love to keep you hooked, but not more.
He never stops lying – he lies about serious matters and insignificant matters. He probably lied to you on the very first day of your meeting, but gave you good reasons why he lied when you caught him.
He gets angry if you question his whereabouts or what he was up to and he accuses you of not trusting him. He starts punishing you for not behaving well, for not looking good or for any other reason. He expects you to be perfect whilst he continues not accounting for his disappearances and constant lies.
By this time he’s probably using your finances, requires almost all your time, whether it’s because of your obsession about his secret whereabouts or because you’re lost in dramatic arguments.
His exes start emerging out of nowhere, and he subtly makes you jealous of his girl-friends, and other women. You start feeling insecure and emotionally imbalanced. You no longer recognize yourself – you never were like that, playing detective to try to figure out his real history and life, because deep inside you know something’s not right.
You might have caught him having more than one facebook account, and when you confront him he gets either very angry, or unemotionally gives you a good excuse. He may even give you all his passwords to “prove his innocence”, whilst getting busy creating new social accounts.
If you get further involved in this cat and mouse game, you’ll use your time, youth, energy, money and trust in humanity.
The “Discard” phase
When a psychopath extracts all he wanted from you and has you on his plate, he will coldly discard you and will move on to another victim. Another victim will be easy to get, because everyone likes him and he has many admirers.
If a psychopath was in a relationship with you for your beauty, he will leave you when the old age takes it away.
If he dated/married you for money, he’ll leave when he extracts all of it.
If he was in a relationship with you for sex, he may use you for a long time and discard you when some shinier/prettier “object” comes along. He will of course have more than one (could be many) affair during your relationship.
Psychopaths date women whom they perceive as emotionally imbalanced or having something valuable, be it inner goodness, beauty, money, and the like. When they rob women off those valuable things, they feel satisfied not because they got/used those things, but for the pain/shock/emotional trauma they caused in women for taking those resources. They feed on this emotional drama that they cause in women – the more, the better. When all is left from a woman is a dry shell, they move on to something juicier.
In the second part of this topic I’ll explain how to protect yourself, and if psychopaths can be healed. I’ll also explain my personal take on psychopaths. Read it here.
If you had a relationship or encounter with a psychopath, let us all know by sharing your experience in comments.