The Only Real Friendship is the Friendship with Your Self

The only real friendshipThe only real friendship is the friendship with your self.

That’s the only friendship you can rely on and which will last your entire life.

Other friendships are unpredictable.

Some people stay in your life for only a short period of time; sometimes relationships finish due to disagreements or for many other reasons.

You shouldn’t completely rely on these external friendships, nor have any expectations of them, because they’re outside your control.

You shouldn’t try to control them anyway, as you would be infringing on another’s will.

Finding refuge within

I know many people who, whenever they have difficulties in life, try to rest on someone else’s shoulder. I used to do that too, but it’s very disempowering and in the end you end up feeling empty and more burdened with troubles than before.

When difficulties come, that’s the time to stay alone and learn the lessons life is teaching you. Relying on someone else won’t dissolve those lessons; they will visit you over and over again (in the form of troubles) until you face them on your own.

I know it’s much less scary to face difficulties with someone else, but by doing that you can’t realize your inner power, nor can you become friends with your self.

It’s so alien for me now to rely on others. I love spending time on my own, but sometimes I spend time with other people too. However, when difficulties come, I know it’s time to go within to search for the cause of them. Once the cause is found, I work to solve the difficulties on my own.

I never burden other people with my troubles. Talking about your troubles is a way to release emotions, however, if it becomes a habit, it disempowers you. It’s better to release negative emotions into something non-physical or by doing some activity, rather than by burdening another person with your troubles.

The best thing to do, however, is prevent negative emotions from manifesting in the first place, and this you can do through the right understanding of the situation.

When I found the refuge within, I realized how much strength and power I had. I realized that unlimited intelligence is within, and if I wait and be attentive, the Divine within will show me how to solve any problem I have.

So far I’ve successfully solved all the problems I had, and at the moment my life is truly free from difficulties. However, I know that life will present me with new difficulties in the future – that’s the nature of life. You live and learn, and difficulties are nothing more than life lessons covered in ugly robes.

What I’ve also noticed, was that due to something negative I experienced and overcame, something really good came into my life that probably wouldn’t if I would avoid a negative situation. Life has indeed always a negative and a positive side. By accepting them both, you benefit more than by a partial acceptance.

A big change after forming a friendship with my self

When I made friends with my self, other friendships lost half the importance. From this new point of view I see clearly how relying completely on someone else disempowers you. Relying on someone else is like a lottery, because you never know whether the situation will turn to your advantage or to your disadvantage.

When relationships in my life lost half the importance, I naturally became detached from people, even from my family. Some people are surprised how quickly I can change friends and that I don’t miss my family or friends that I knew for a long time. Some even perceive me to be selfish or cruel because of it.

I don’t think it’s selfish, nor is it cruel. My perception of everyone else outside of me shifted. I can no longer see external things as very real, because I know that what’s real is inside. So for me, life is more like a game than reality. Maybe that’s why life is easy for me.

Sometimes life still catches me and draws me in, but the drainage of energy indicates that I’m too involved and this understanding naturally makes me detached. I think this kind of understanding comes gradually, when one continuously develops oneself spiritually.

So people thinking that my non-attachment is cruel, demonstrate that they haven’t yet made friends with their selves. If they don’t know their own selves, they certainly can’t judge someone else.

How to make friends with your self

Befriending your self needs to happen in silence and seclusion. You need to spend a lot of time alone to know yourself. You also understand your self better when you leave your comfort zone and thus find your self in unfamiliar situations.

When you know your self quite well, you need to forgive it for all the shortcomings and accept it. When you finally feel at peace with your self, it means you’re in harmony with it and the relationship is formed.

Many people hate their selves and ignore them. They do everything possible to avoid getting a glimpse of it. It’s sad for me to see people interested in useless things but paying no attention to the treasure within.

They’re totally in their bodies, thus it’s no surprise that most people don’t remember their previous births even a bit; all their lives they failed to acknowledge the connecting link of their multiple lives.

However, I think now more and more people, even though fearfully, try to find the time to be alone with their selves and thus establish a connection. I notice many people, coming to India for soul-searching, successfully making friends with their selves and thus starting to really feel alive. It’s wonderful to see this happening.


The only real friendship is the friendship with your self. No other friendships are permanent, like the one with your self is. No other friendships can be completely relied on, because they’re external, and thus out of your control.

When difficulties come, that’s the perfect time to know your self. You can do so by facing difficulties alone, and thus not only gaining a strong friendship, but also realizing the power within.

To make friends with your self, you need to stay alone for long periods of time. That’s the bet way to know your self. Another good way to do so is to put yourself in situations that you’ve never experienced before, because then you’ll have the opportunity to rely on your self.

Instead of ignoring the real friend within, it’s important to make a deep connection with your self. This deep connection would bless you with the peace of mind and the feeling of strength within. Befriending yourself will also make you feel more alive and you’ll be able to live your life to the full.

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Simona Rich (443 Posts)

I live in tropical South India, ride scooter, meditate, do yoga and help people create fulfilling and unique lives. Read my story to find out how I changed my life.


  1. This is very true. One must remember at the very core we are all one. To be at peace with ones self is to be at peace with all.


  2. Joseph Dsouza says:

    Dear Simona,
    I read your article on friendship. It was an eye opener to me. I’ll follow myself all by myself.
    Thank you, it is really true.

  3. Hey Simona,

    Thanks for this post on friendship. I’ve had several moments over the past years in which I’ve deeply recognize that the only one I can truly and deeply rely on is my Self. And that it’s selfish (in the wrong sense of the word) to hold expectations of others in the same way in which you would rely upon yourself. Instead, realizing that Self reliance is the only kind of reliance.

    I appreciate your posts. I always look forward to receiving them in my inbox. Thank you.

  4. I have always been my own friend naturally, but I didn’t consciously know that it was the best way to be. I also knew that some relationships were unnecessary to keep, yet others would say that’s so wrong. When I was a kid No one listened to me, but in the end I always ended up right. I could have saved them a lot of unnecessary and painful drama. I’m older now and people still don’t listen to me, but it’s because of them having no clue of how the universe works and not wanting to know either. Their reptilian brains have too much power over them.
    Of course I would be at war with myself for not being good enough as my own friend. Now that I’m avidly exploring spirituality I’m more at peace with myself. I really enjoy spending time alone and I don’t berate myself as I constantly did before. I realize that I was in the dark before getting into spirituality. Life is much more fun now.
    Simona Rich, I truly connect with your articles. Thank you for being so true!

  5. Dear Simona,
    Thank you for this beautiful post! I think it is very important to share this kind of experiences, especially since so many people are avoiding to know their true selves and become their own best friends! This process brings peace and freedom, which are two things that can be scary for controlling societies sometimes. I am happy to read that you meet more people interested in this path! I think in the west this is still a slow process.. but I´m confident it will increase here as well :) I absolutely agree with every and each of your words and I have begun a similar experience myself, so I understand that this is a journey that needs a lot of courage but will give you an aboundance of (self) love and acceptance that no external adversity will be able to destroy. May your life journey keep proceding lightly! Namaste

  6. Thank you so very much Simona for your e-mail, I found it fascinating, I enjoyed it, and it made alot of sence.

    Best Regards



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