Rooted in Self or Totally Lost? Sometimes It’s Hard to Tell

There are two states of being that people tend to confuse. These are finding yourself, and losing yourself.

Most people who think they found themselves actually got further from who they really are. They surrendered their power to a cause, philosophy or religion that’s external, and thus disempowering and damaging in the long run.

They feel strong because of this external clutch, but what happens when this seemingly permanent power crumbles? They instantly become weak and personal crisis starts. Most would be in search for another clutch in no time.

Very religious folk, cult members, people who devote their lives to organisations and their causes, belong to this class. These people, if they are told something against the beliefs of their religion, organization or philosophy, become argumentative, combative and sometimes downright cruel.

They’re close-minded and protect their fragile egos by their aggressiveness. Their foundation is flawed (because it’s based on something external), so it gets shaky often and they feel they must protect it from breaking apart by being aggressive or cruel.

These people have very strong opinions which is sometimes mistakenly translated as self-confidence and being rooted in Self. They are hard to help because they think they don’t need help, and, in fact, they try to help others. Or, to say it more correctly, they try to “save” others from making “wrong choices”.

Giving up personal power seems to such people as a perfect solution to their hard and complicated lives. Someone or something can now tell them exactly how to live, no independent thought is required. The more rules the organisation has, the safer such individuals feel. They use these rules as weapons to deal with the cold and harsh world.

Diamonds in the rough

By hiding behind these rules and codes of conduct they appear as confident and loudly express their views closely aligned with organisational philosophies. What this constant hiding behind external rules does to them is it fails to polish them. They remain diamonds in the rough, insecure and close-minded, instead of revealing the light within which shines more powerfully the more person falls and gets up.

By hiding behind the principles that are not their own they fail to get to know their authentic selves and thus cannot understand what their real purpose is and how they should contribute to the good of the world. They convince themselves that their lives’ purpose is dedication to an external cause, and they completely shut themselves from their inner voice.

They feel too weak to deal with the world on their own. They surrender to something which appears stronger than them. They believe themselves to be powerful because of this external power and they think that’s a sign of finding their selves.

They couldn’t be more wrong. Finding yourself doesn’t come that easy. Finding yourself doesn’t come when you sign up for some membership or decide to belong to some institution. You must pay the price if you want to find yourself. The price is bruising your ego to the extent that it gives way to the light within.

Giving up your power grows the ego. Insecure people are scared of being bruised and so become aggressive and hurtful in their remarks to protect their egos at any cost.

Ego loves judging others when it hides behind something seemingly stronger than itself, like religion. It fears the truth, and shuts away from the truth in any way that it can. Anything that would cause the diamond in the rough to be at least slightly polished is avoided, as the dirt surrounding the diamond is the ego.

How would most people react if you would point out some unpleasant trait in them? Most would get insulted about it and attack you in response. Such reactions keep the ego firmly in place, without any opportunity for the light to shine fourth. Should the person think about the critique and accept and change if the critique is truthful, the ego would get cracked a bit, and the light within could be dimly seen.

It’s always painful at first to open up to how life really is. Yet that’s how you can reveal the diamond that’s inside. It’s good to fail and it’s good to be criticized. It’s not you that receives the blows, it’s the ego. Your Self grows stronger whenever your ego is beaten.

I wish I could remember the source I got the following teaching from, but no suggestion comes to my mind. It’s about why people experience difficulties and failures. They go through these experiences because they still have rough edges. These seemingly negative or even disturbing experiences polish their rough edges, making them into wholesome and pure beings.

Mistakes and failures also indicate that you’re still resisting laws of the universe, instead of flowing with them. It’s best not to resist difficulties, but accept them and understand their causes. Seeming hardships and cruelty of life should be seen as helpful tools to spot and transcend the ego.

Even the state of poverty can be used as a tool. It can teach you that within is lack (lack of connection to Self) and it will stay there as long as you lack this connection or as long as you refuse to give enough value to others, being a perfect measurement of your connection and sharing.


Although people who devote their lives to religions and organisations seem like they found inner purpose, nothing could be further from the truth. They’re the ones that are too weak to deal with their lives on their own. They find safety and easiness in following rules, but that causes them to remain diamonds in the rough and so they fail to understand the true gifts they hold within.

It can be hard to let go of external rules and codes of life, yet it’s crucial to craft your life with your own philosophy for your rough edges to be polished and  for the light within to powerfully shine forth.

If you have something to say, share your views in the comments below.


  1. Marco Reyes says:

    Well written article, Simona. Kudos to you.

  2. ranjeewa says:

    Dear Simona,
    Being a member of church community this one main problem I am facing in during the meetings in church. Most of the times truth is hidden by rules or traditions. Really , this article is helping me a lot to deal in those occasions with other members.As you stated it is not possible to directly talk with them. But still there are ways to do it. Thank you very much Simona.

  3. I read your prayer today, crying because I’ve lost my job and I had no way to pay my bills. Without any hope or faith, I stumbled upon your website and your prayer. It have me hope. 3 hours later I got a call from my estranged grandmother, telling me she was sending me money. Out of nowhere this happened. Your prayer brought me hope. God bless you! You inspire people and you have a gift. Thank you!! I will share this with many and tell people about you and your beautiful prayer. Many blessings to you!

  4. Hello
    I like the way you wrote that :)
    Iv been pealing away the different layers of the ego and realize how deep it actually goes. Times come where I feel my essence so intensely for a few days, life seems to have no labels, a deeper understanding comes to be and in that state I witness and communicate with life in such a way I cant describe easily. As quick as it comes it is gone. Is there a reason why it doesn’t last?? When it goes I long for it. the ego then makes it into a opportunity I get disgruntled because I feel im back to square one haha :) more ego.. Your articles have helped keep me focused and learning about all.
    thanks allot Simona.

    • Don’t hope for it to come, don’t expect it to last and don’t miss it. Just stay present without judgement, and it will stay longer, Keegan! Thank you for sharing.

      • I never realized that but thanks I needed it. your reply is really paradoxical and profound to me at the same time. I will try stay present enough as to not have part of me try to understand its meaning. I can only acknowledged it as my higher self and allow self to be as is without commentary? Thanks you opened up a new perspective for me.
        Warm regards

  5. Thank You for sharing Simona!

  6. Hi Simona,

    A real diamond need many years of pressure to form – need a master cutter/polisher to bring the true shine of it. Its hard work to say – but the finish is really – no words could describe them – Just this morning i was thinking about how ego work – why certain family member behave like this – After opening your email – i got the answer – clearly and precise – I realize that we need to clear the dirt before the true inner light can shine without distraction in beam. Thank you for beaming the inner light.

  7. Alharith says:

    Thank you for your great post! I love when I open my email and see that there is an email from you. I really feel happy, thank you so much!

  8. Dear Simona

    Thank you so much for your excellent post, I loved reading it.

  9. Hey Simona,

    You have the most awesome blog. I am completely awe struck , all your articles simply resonate with me, I do not know how you do it, it seems you have found your flow , so to speak , keep up the great work and stay blessed.



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