To read about how to recognize a psychopath and the strategy they all use, read the first post about this topic.
Dating a psychopath leads to emotional imbalance, lack of trust in yourself and mental confusion. But nothing compares to the horror women go through if, despite the still inner voice of protest, they still decide to marry psychopaths.
Since now they’re officially trapped, a psychopath doesn’t have to wear his mask anymore. So he drops the mask for a woman to see the real face of a monster.
The private life becomes a living nightmare and you realize that you don’t know the person whom you married. He will be mentally abusive, and might be physically abusive too, but usually in a way that it wouldn’t show in public. Sex may become extremely violent leaving you hurt and shocked.
A psychopath will keep pressing your insecure buttons until you break down and cry or go crazy, and they’ll just watch the drama and absorb the energy. They might even have a faint smile whilst watching the show.
They’re totally in control when you break down like this, and psychopaths must feel in control – they hate any unpredictability in your actions.
Nobody else will see this evil inside of him. He will put his mask of charm and charisma when in public. So even if you tell others about the monster that he is, nobody is likely to believe you and some might think you’re going crazy, accusing such a wonderful guy.
If you let the psychopath know that you know about his mental condition and also tell others about it, you will be severely punished. With the masterful smooth talk he may turn even your closest friends and family against you; he’ll try to break you in all ways he can, usually by focusing on destroying what’s dear to you – your business/career, reputation, friendships, relationships with your children and God.
If you haven’t entirely broken down and remain conscious enough to split up/divorce him, he will stalk you. He’ll keep appearing on your doorstep, he will send you numerous text messages and if you meet him in person, he’ll cry with crocodile tears begging to take him back and promising to change.
Since you have feelings (and he knows how to manipulate them very well), you’ll start feeling sad and sorry for him and will give him another chance.
Big mistake. He’ll be on a good behavior for some time, and then the same lies/hurts/shocks/abuse will start, and you’ll get debited some more years off your precious life.
Some women end up breaking up and making up with psychopaths multiple times, losing 10, 20, 30 or more years of their lives. I personally know such women, and I never realized why they keep going back to the jerks that hurt them.
Now I understand. Such women like true warriors constantly try to awaken the goodness of their partners, but little do they know that there is no goodness in them, as they have no conscience.
A very beautiful Spanish woman keeps going back to the man that’s married, and yet lives with another woman. So three women in total chase the guy who’s always on the lookout for the next fling. His utter ruthlessness and incongruity (saying one thing and doing another) leaves women shocked but also hooked to his game.
She’s been in this game for more than 20 years. She keeps believing she’ll change him and make him realize just how loving and caring she is.
Is there a cure?
It’s not scientifically proven whether a psychopath is born so or is made into one, but it looks like it’s hereditary, according to The Sociopath Next Door book.
This gene may or may not get activated, depending on the environment. It’s more likely to get activated in cultures that encourage selfishness and alcohol consumption. Interestingly, this study shows that selfishness tends to activate a psychopathic gene in Asian culture, whereas alcohol – in the West, though more research is needed.
Psychopaths existed for thousands of years, maybe even from the very start of humanity. In the past, too, it was thought that this condition is incurable. Yet most people are ignorant about the fact that 1 in 25 people (probably much more as I mention in the first post) have no conscience.
Some people only act like psychopaths but aren’t them. The way to recognize such individuals is perfectly illustrated by R. James R. Blair research (2013):
Patients with ‘acquired sociopathy’ can present with socially inappropriate behavior and aggression following their lesion. However, if aggression is seen it is almost exclusively reactive (i.e. frustration/threat induced) in nature and not instrumental goal-directed aggression shown by individuals with psychopathy.
The causes of psychopathy
From my own encounters with psychopaths and inquiry into their backgrounds, I believe psychopathic gene is activated because of the abuse in the family, especially when the mother is abused. I think it has to do with an emotional link all children have with mothers, and when they witness a mother being abused, something probably breaks in them and their emotional development is arrested.
Or course some researchers argue that’s not the case, because some psychopaths come from very respected and well-off families. That’s a close-minded remark, in my opinion, because we can’t know what goes behind the closed doors of a family. Like a psychopath who hides his reptilian nature behind a beautiful mask, so do some families hide their ugliness behind closed doors.
I know many psychopathic teenagers in India who directly saw as children their mothers being severely beaten by fathers. Usually the fathers are alcoholics who are psychopaths themselves. Who could develop well in such environments?
I also claim this because there are people with psychopathic minds who are absolutely normal, because they grew up in functional (versus dysfunctional) families, like this neuroscience professor. Quoting from the article:
To produce those [psychopathic] characteristics, it appears, it’s not enough to have the genetic or neurological psychopath brain pattern. That has to be accompanied by a family history of abuse or violence.
[…] Our genes, then, don’t determine our fate, but they have the power to send us in a certain evil direction.
How consoling that evil can be defeated by an even greater influence – a parent’s love.
A person with psychopathic tendencies who can control them and has no hatred towards humanity due to a loving upbringing, can be a gem to the world. Without unnecessary emotions involved they can be excellent surgeons, judges, bankers, scientists. They can excel in all occupations that require clear thinking uninfluenced by subjective emotions.
It seems like when their emotional development stops due to a witnessed or experienced psychical abuse, some switch on the psychopathic gene that tunes them into the collective soul, and out of the individual development. That would certainly explain why all psychopaths follow the same strategy, as described in my first post.
Some people claim psychopaths have no soul. I would say it’s a collective dark soul, like a destructive force of nature, or like predatory animal souls. The danger to us, humans, is that most of us are not even aware of such a different kind of human; so if we’re not aware, we will keep being hurt by the wolves in sheep’s clothing.
We live in a psychopathic structure
Psychopaths rule the world. They rule the food industry which poisons health; they monopolized the drug industry which again poisons us; They own the media whose purpose is to make people feel inadequate, emotionally unbalanced and insecure, so that people would spend money to get stuff to fill their life with superficial meaning.
Governments wage wars against the innocent covering it with peace goals (a very psychopathic way to use cognitive dissonance) so that they could unchecked privatize rivers and forests, and enslave the Earth to produce monocultures. We’re poisoned with fertilizers and GMOs by beings without conscience.
How to protect yourself
The only real escape from psychopaths is No Contact. Don’t try to teach or over-smart a psychopath as you’ll lose. By trying to over-smart them, you’re playing their game and they’ll enjoy taking energy from you whilst you do. You’ll only end up wasting further years of your life.
The psychopath might have gotten you so addicted to emotional dramas that you feel the need to come back for more – don’t. Also know that trauma bonds are the toughest bonds to break, and that’s why many women who are abused keep going back to their abusers.
Stay away from psychopaths so that the healing can start taking place. It might take years to heal (depending on how much traumatized you were), but if you stay away from psychopaths, you’ll be healed for sure. Your eyes then will be opened to the further evil in them that was hidden from your sight due to your emotional imbalance.
Stop reacting and divert his attention
If you married a psychopath and have children together, it would be hard to maintain no contact. In such a case under no circumstances react to his dramas, so that he would lose interest in you. At the same time work to get divorce and custody of your children.
Become totally unemotional, don’t react to anything he says. Communicate with him as though he’s a wooden pole, and when he tries to play your emotional buttons, look at him in a motherly way feeling compassion for this little being trying his best to make you mad. This will anger him at first, but soon he will lose interest if he doesn’t meet with any emotional reaction.
If he still tries hard to make you emotional, like by turning your children against you or playing with your insecurities, you must cease to react to those things that are most important to you. With your reaction you show him what matters to you most, and you’re encouraging him to attack that very thing.
Your emotional reactions is the only way a psychopath can know what matters to you most. As he has no emotions, he’s not emotionally bonded with children, reputation, financial stability, and similar matters.
To make a psychopath even less harmful, you should start emotionally reacting to things that aren’t important to you, so that his attention would be focused to destroy things that don’t matter to you. This technique is learnt from nature, when a bird seeing the predator pretends its wing is broken to divert the predator’s attention from the nest with baby birds. (I got this tip from the 180 Rule website whose link I mention at the end.)
Lose your resources
Psychopaths want the resources that you have, be it money, sex, your beauty or your emotional dramas. If you withdraw these things, a psychopath will lose interest in you and will move on to a more resourceful victim. Psychopaths feed off these resources, so when you drop them and become plain and boring, it’s very repelling for a psychopath.
Here’s how to do it…
If you have money, you must make him think he will in no way get access to it. Ideally, you should somehow make him think you lost it. That’s easy if you really give everything away to become a wanderer, or in your last wish you give away all your possessions to a charity.
Basically, it should be crystal clear in a psychopath’s mind that he in no way can use your possessions or money. Psychopaths are especially attracted to fancy houses and flashy cars, yet low-intelligence psychopaths are also happy with the parasitic life in a one-bed flat, considering you’re paying the rent.
If he uses you for sex – deny it. Have very strong boundaries and tell you’re taking a break, or that you became a celibate, or that you suspect some STD (that’s probably most repelling:)). There should be no thought in his mind left that he could use you in such a way.
I you have a beautiful face or body, try to look as plain as you can. Wear hair in a way that doesn’t suit you, wear no make up, baggy clothes, and use other techniques to look as plain and unappealing as possible. Make sure his friends see you in such a condition.
For those people who’ll accuse me of denying oneness and positivity, I’ll reply how I did to one commenter of my first post. Just because we all spring from the same source, doesn’t mean we all should be together despite being hurt.
If a person believes in the oneness of things it doesn’t mean he’ll go and face a hungry tiger in the wilderness; on the contrary – knowing the nature of some thing we can make informed decisions and thus avoid being hurt.
A person who’s never seen or heard about a tornado might think it’s beautiful and can stand on its way and look at it in awe and be destroyed by her ignorance. Whilst a person who knows about tornadoes would run and hide. We’re not angry at tornadoes – it’s a force of nature; yet we stay away from them. Exactly the same behavior should be applied to psychopaths.
Psychopaths are very much like bacteria or pests. When insect pests attack a plant, they drink the life from the plant and the plant dies. Fortunately the same destiny doesn’t have to await us, as we can move and make conscious decisions. Let’s not allow these pests to drain us of our power.
Know their nature and avoid them – that’s the best defense against psychopaths. Harming them will only create new karma for us; we don’t kill cats because they kill birds and mice and enjoy playing with poor creatures before devouring them.
If we stop playing the psychopathic game, be it with individual psychopaths or slaving in psychopathic jobs or spending money on psychopath invented foods and drugs, there will be no energetic food for psychopaths and probably they will die a natural death. But since we’re so deeply in their game, they prosper and flourish. I’ll soon write about more ways to stop being a part of a psychopathic system – be on the lookout.
Here’s my final advice about how to deal with psychopaths:
- Study psychopathic traits (resources included below) to be very aware of them so that you wouldn’t fall for their tricks. Stay away from such people at all costs.
- If you’re in a psychopathic-structure job where you feel your soul is being sucked out of you, focus on quietly creating your freedom; it’s a must to break out of such companies so that you could reclaim your inner creative power.
Psychopath Free – a wonderful forum with many loving and supportive members sharing their psychopath stories and ways to recover.
Psychopath Free book – a much raved about book that goes in depth about this disorder. I haven’t read it, but the reviews are amazing.
The Sociopath Next Door – another revealing book about what makes psychopaths tick and how to protect yourself.
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Robert D. Hare – he’s the most well-known expert of this disorder.
180 rule – a great website explaining in detail about psychopathic behavior.
Update: I found a great article about psychopaths in politics and leadership positions. You can read the full article here, and below I’m quoting the last few paragraphs of the article:
There are only two things that can bring a psychopath under submission:
1. A bigger psychopath.
2. The non-violent, absolute refusal to submit to psychopathic controls no matter the consequences (non-violent noncompliance).
Let us choose path 2! If individuals simply sat down and refused to lift a hand to further one single aim of the psychopathic agenda, if people refused to pay taxes, if soldiers refused to fight, if government workers and corporate drones and prison guards refused to go to work, if doctors refused to treat psychopathic elites and their families, the whole system would grind to a screeching halt.
True change happens in the moment that a person becomes aware of psychopathy in all its chilling details. From this new awareness, the world looks different, and entirely new actions can be taken. Distinguishing between human and psychopathic qualities begins the foundation of responsibility upon which we have a real chance to create sustainable culture.