Trauma is usually described as a deeply disturbing experience.
What can be seen by adults as a small ‘misbehavior’, can cause a real trauma in a child.
Children, being vulnerable and at the mercy of their guardians, are poorly equipped to handle dysfunctional situations.
That’s especially true for those situations that involve their own parents, godly creatures, as seen by a child, who are supposed to make a child feel safe and loved.
What can be a small domestic fight can be seen as a huge threat to a child’s safety. Up to the age of seven a child’s astral body is forming (source: this book), so any disturbing experience by that age can leave the child mentally crippled for all her life, unless she awakens and consciously deals with it.
My childhood trauma
As a deeply sensitive child, I experienced my share of traumas. Verbal fights of my parents, although they used to take place behind the closed kitchen doors, were deeply disturbing to me, because they were destroying, bit by bit, my feeling of security and harmony at home.
My father was a real mental terrorist, especially when he was drunk. He delighted in destroying our confidence and feeling of safety (my brother’s and mine). He loved to affirm his power over the family, and always repeated how indispensable he was.
As a child, I hated him deeply, there was so much anger inside me, which, because I didn’t want to appear weak, and didn’t want to be struck by my father, I stored inside.
My father was such a psychic vampire that you could literally feel how he delighted in absorbing the energies of all in whom he caused negative emotions. I was affected most, because I was the most sensitive and introverted member of the family.
What helped me as a child (and thanks God I did it) was writing poetry. I loved writing poetry, and through poetry I expressed many of my suppressed emotions. I used to even cry after revealing in words what I felt within. I also used to paint, but painting would make me even more depressed, so I stopped it.
I also wrote a diary, every day, and both poetry, and a diary, kept me sane, although I was far from being okay.
My mother, on the other hand, loved us dearly. Having been raised by an orphan mother, she really outgrew the tendency to treat children the way she was treated. No person is perfect, however, and although she dealt with the previous challenge well, she failed in another one.
My mother loved to exaggerate things. A lot. Children, however, are unable to tell fact from fiction, so we, my brother and I, took everything she said literally.
She loved telling, every single day, that we may not have enough money to buy food the day after. She also loved reminding how hard it is for her to keep up with mortgage repayments, and that we may end up on the street. My biggest fear, therefore, in childhood, was to end up as a street child, and I had reoccurring dreams of losing shoes for a long, long time. I consider “shoes” in the dream to be a symbol of security and comfort.
My mother loved talking about how bad her health was getting – she even almost fainted in front of us. She told us once that she wanted to commit a suicide because her life was so bad, but didn’t, because of us. That’s hardly what children want to hear from their only guardian who loved and cared for them.
Every time my mother would talk to me like this, so much fear would seep into me. This, of course, manifested as nervous imbalances, as I mentioned in past posts. I sometimes would start consciously breathing and then would stop and had to grasp for air, and would go into total fright for this, and my mother would have to give me medicines to calm me down.
As a response to traumas inflicted by my mother, I started thinking of ways to survive, and caring for my mother as much as a child can, so that she would not die. As I said before, children accept all the parents say as facts, so I was dreading her death. I thought it’s coming soon, and I did all I could to extend her life to the ability of a child, like cooking for her, cleaning, making her feel okay.
I was very much concerned about my mother not returning home from work. Especially when it was winter in Lithuania and sometimes steep stone stairs without any handrails would be covered with ice. I would create all kinds of horror stories in my mind about what might happen to her, like that she would slip and fall, and hit her head on steep stairs.
When the time was approaching of her usual coming home, I would stay glued to the window looking at the direction where she was to appear. I felt anxious and fearful every time waiting this way, and it was such a relief to see her green jacket appearing from afar.
I only overcame this excessive worry when I physically moved away from her, after finishing my school. I left to the UK, and my life became so much lighter not having the influence of my parents.
A message to parents
Most parents really shouldn’t be parents. They are raising a nation of low self-esteem because of not-dealt-with traumas that manifest in different ways, like complete withdrawal from the society, alcoholism, cruelty, or selfishness. Only a few manage to wake up and work on themselves to remove traumas caused by their guardians.
Most people haven’t developed themselves to the extent to bring up another being. Those who think they are developed for sure usually are least so.
If only potential parents would work out ALL their OWN childhood traumas before having children, a more healthy society would definitely result. And if they, from this already healthy and balanced state, would start improving themselves, a full-of-love, progressive, and compassionate society would result.
Just because your biological clock is ticking, and just because your mother wants to have grandchildren, doesn’t mean you should have a child. Just because a society expects you to have a partner, a cozy home and one or two children to live the “normal life”, doesn’t mean you should follow the crowd and do it.
Most children, when they receive their traumas, grow up bent in a horrific way mentally, unable to recover till their deaths. They suffer all their lives, feeling incomplete, and not knowing that it’s because of their not-dealt-with childhood traumas.
Instead of bringing forth a being and then crippling it mentally, let’s firstly heal ourselves completely, and only then think of creating another life.
For those who are already parents, work on yourself now, so that your children witness harmonious and positive states of you, and grow up feeling secure and loved. Overall state of consciousness (which is low now) must grow, if parents would start working on themselves.
Most people end up treating their own children the way they were treated, due to the lack of self-observation and self improvement. This, therefore, creates a vicious cycle, where abused children become abusive parents.
To break that cycle, we must deal with our traumas. When we remove them we automatically become loving and compassionate beings, and this affects not only our children, but all the people around us.
A world that’s more loving and beautiful is possible for sure, if even a small group of people, like the readers reading this post, start dealing with blocks within, and, having uncovered their beautiful Authentic Selves, shine this light on others to inspire them to do the same.