How To Win Friends And Influence People Summary

Have your read the book by Dale Carnegie called How To Win Friends And Influence People?

It’s a great read especially if you want to improve your communication skills, have more friends or become more influential.

I wanted to read this book for a long time but I just couldn’t find the time to do that. Recently I came across this book again and decided to read it. It blew me away! It’s one of the best books ever written, no wonder it has sold 15 million copies and was translated into almost every language on earth.

Because this book opened my eyes to much more effective communication skills and the ability to deal with people better, I thought it would probably impact your life in the same way.

I know that the name of the book sounds kind of aggressive, as though the strategies in the book are selfish and damaging to others. But actually this book teaches you to be a kind and
understanding person.

As a thank you for being my subscriber I decided to give you and in-depth summary of this book. This will enable you to understand how to effectively deal with different people and how to make them agree with you however opposed to your idea they may be at first.

So here is the first part of this book which will enable you to master the art of communication.

Principle No 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain

It’s very easy to complain about something or criticize someone, but what benefit does it give you? It only satisfies your ego but it diminishes another person and makes that person like you less or even hate you. So if you often point out what’s wrong with people or their work, you will definitely not be seen as a reliable or kind person.

You should try to understand that people may not necessarily be wrong and it could actually be you who’s wrong. Try to see another persons’ point of view by trying to understand why that person acts this way. This exercise alone can give you a significant understanding of another person. Not many people can see both their and others’ points of view.

Principle No 2: Fulfill Others’ Desires to Feel Important

When you make someone feel important or special in some way, that person will be grateful for that and therefore will give you something that you want in return for your appreciation.

The feeling of importance is the most unfulfilled of all the human needs. If you can show the other person that you consider him important, he will be at your service because you fulfilled his basic need.

Just think for a minute… How many people in your life actually make you feel important? I can almost guarantee that not many. And that’s why this principle works wonders. People seek importance, people need importance, their actions are geared towards getting more importance. So when someone shows up and makes you feel important, you will be really grateful and repay them in fulfilling their needs.

Whenever I think about the need for appreciation and importance, I always remember how people react when I say That’s a good question!. They are always so happy to hear that. Try it yourself. When someone asks you something interesting, say That’s a good question and then think about that question for a minute. You will see how they all light up only for this small acknowledgement of their brilliance.

People act this way because they feel like you consider them important or intelligent. They will certainly like you more for this one compliment. What about if you would constantly make others feel important rather then trying to show others how important you are? Well, you will definitely get the edge over the masses because you will attract immense respect and therefore you will automatically become influential. People will like you and talk only good things about you.

When people don’t feel appreciated, they can even go to absolute extremes and become criminals or even go insane. They would rather live in their own imagined worlds of being important rather than face the cruel reality of no one appreciating them.

But the important thing to remember here is that you have to really mean what you’re saying. You cannot just compliment someone out of the want to gain influence over them because that will never work. Most people sense when someone is lying.

You probably know at least one person who is always acting like a servant to you, showering you with compliments yet you know that their intentions are selfish. Such people are more than likely to back-stab you when you least expect it. So really try to give sincere compliments to those with whom you are talking to, even when you don’t want anything from them. One nice sentence given to a stranger can brighten their whole day, and it doesn’t cost you anything to do that.

Principle No 3: You Cannot Influence People by Telling Them What You Want

The majority of people make a major mistake with this one. When they want something from another person, they express that in their selfish terms. They say I want this or that from you by such time or I need to get this or that because that’s really important to me. That doesn’t work because the person you talk to thinks about your proposal/request in terms of what they’re getting out of it.

So if you are, for example, trying to sell your service to someone, you will go nowhere if you tell how great your company is and how many years it has been around. Nobody cares about that or at least not to a degree that they would be tempted to use your products or services. What gets people to act your way is talking about the benefits *they* will get or by talking about *their* interests.

Let’s say you want your children to clean the room. If you keep showing them their dirty socks and nagging them about how messy they are, your words will fall on deaf ears (you probably know that anyway). There is a much better and much more effective strategy you can use in this case.

Firstly, identify one hobby of your children. The activity you choose should be really pleasant to them and it’s better to pick something they really like but can’t or don’t do every day.

Once you’ve identified this incentive, get involved in that activity or get someone else in your family involved in it and have a great time. Once your child notices that you are involved
in their favorite game or activity, they will do everything you tell them to get involved too. So basically you make your children clean their rooms or do other chores by firstly giving them something they consider valuable.

Now let’s take an example in the business world. Let’s say you want someone else to promote your product. If you go about it by saying how great your product is, you are likely to get a negative response from the person you try to convince. However, if you list all the great benefits another person will get (commission, satisfied customers, possible partnership, etc.) she will be more than happy to promote your product.

So talk in terms of the benefits of others and not yours or tie your offer with something that you know they enjoy.

That’s the end of the Part One summary.

Be on the lookout for the Part Two in the days to come!

Take care,

Simona Rich

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Simona Rich (443 Posts)

I live in tropical South India, ride scooter, meditate, do yoga and help people create fulfilling and unique lives. Read my story to find out how I changed my life.

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